I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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