I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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