sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
