You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dicks are not precious.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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