Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
barbara walters just said penis...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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