Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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