she was so not down for the gang bang
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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