I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
