i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
