I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
