I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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