I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
