it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
