There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
if only i could text you this smell
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
