he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
