You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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