I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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