would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
