Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
