I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
