yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
