I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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