Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
