You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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