In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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