Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize