He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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