Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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