never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
