We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
