my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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