i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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