why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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