billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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