i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
