# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
