next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
