Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
