Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
