I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just invented taco cereal.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
