nut hugger
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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