she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
