I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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