I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
