She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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