Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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