It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
