you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
