I am spending my child support on dildos
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
