just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
