At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
