he thought i was a dude.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
