I am puke
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
