Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
