nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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