Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
