this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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