I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
