I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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