look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
