I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
