This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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