what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
