If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
