So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
