I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
