you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
