a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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