Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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