dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
home. puking in laundry basket.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You made out with two different species that night
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize