I wanna bring you to show and tell
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
