just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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