doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
